Turning Twenty

Today, the 20th November, is my twentieth birthday. I've thought about turning twenty every day for at least the past six months as the realisation of what that means has started to sink in. It's been the first birthday of my lifetime that I've actually felt somewhat apprehensive about having. Being a teenager has been a really fundamental part of my identity for such a long time (seven years to be exact) so being stripped of that is quite a terrifying prospect. Last week, someone asked me how old I'd be turning and it felt so alien not to say "-teen". Can we please make twenteen a thing? Despite my reservations, I honestly can't wait to enter the career-climbing, property-owning, life-rocking girl gang of twenty-somethings that used to feel like a distant dream away. I'm so busy these days with work/uni/family/social/placement commitments but I'm happy to report that I feel like I'm thriving! My brain never switches off, I probably have high blood pressure and I might start getting grey hairs next - but I'm happy, promise! Yes, it's daunting and yes, I'm shit-scared. But I also feel very, very ready for everything that the next ten years of my life have to offer. 

So roll on the new decade. Here are twenty lessons I've learned in my twenty years of existence which have shaped me into the woman (yikes) that I am today. Because in case you didn't know, I'm v wise now that I'm maybeprobablytechnically an adult... albeit an adult with bunny ear pyjamas.

1. Cooking is really fun and I like it a lot. I also really like eating my five a day and drinking lots of water. Huh, who knew?
2. I've learned with a lot of bravery to put all of my faith into the prospect that things will work out the way they were always intended to. I cannot describe how freeing it is to truly believe that everything that has happened was always going to happen and everything that will happen is just an inevitable and inexplicable part of the universe. There's no room to worry about the future anymore, now that I feel so confident in it.
3. I'm not religious, even though I spent the first sixteen years of my life with fairly unwavering beliefs.
4. But I've also learnt that I am a deeply spiritual person and I do believe in an afterlife, and perhaps a god, even if it's not the most conventional of versions.
5. Ironing is just a myth and it serves no real purpose in life.
6. I'm really not academically capable when it comes to sticking to rigid exams and objective facts.
7. I am a perfectionist through and through and I probably learned this swiftly upon leaving the womb.
8. I LOVE travelling and exploring the world. I first discovered this when I started to read travel blogs aged thirteen onwards and made lists upon lists of all the places I wanted to visit. I've really cemented this lesson in 2016 but the lists of places to go and things to see still grows everyday!
9. Two years ago, I was totally unsure about my path in life and at one point (rather scarily with hindsight) was pretty adamant that I wouldn't be going to university. Then I discovered that there was a course and career perfectly suited for me. Now I'm on track to wake up every morning absolutely in love with a job that feels more like a hobby and I bladdy love it !!!
10. I feel best about myself when I'm living in those moments that remind me how big the universe is and how lucky I am to be living my small and insignificant little life. Those moments include: watching fireworks over a canal from the roof of a hotel in Venice, watching a thunderstorm from an aeroplane, being alone in a craaazy crowd at Leeds Festival in torrential, pouring rain and just feeling so SO alive. 
11. It's not that hard to get out of the house to explore and to do something you've never done before. 
12. This year, someone (who I thankfully no longer have contact with) told me that I "had so much potential" - and it wasn't a compliment. A lesson I've learned and definitely had to enforce over the years is how to cut toxic people off. It's a lesson I could have learned sooner or enforced more effectively at times, but I'd say I'm pretty darn good at knowing when to call it quits. The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to somebody is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.
13. Meeting new people is the easiest thing in the world. The only way to avoid feeling isolated while I travelled alone was to reach out to people and be the first to break the ice - I was never good at pushing myself to do this before I left and now I feel so much more at ease with it.
14. I'm pretty confident I'll never trust another person in a large capacity ever again. Deep down I know I just haven't finished learning this lesson yet, but for the time being, I'm entering my twenties full of cynicism about the motives of other humans :)
15. I think all of my best thoughts just before I fall asleep.
16. Objects/photos that once felt really sentimental and like the most important, cherished things in the world do eventually become disposable - and the same goes for memories of moments that once felt so perfect. Everything changes with a bit of perspective.
17. I have the BEST intuition. In fact, there were times in my life as a child when I actually questioned my psychic capabilities (lol). I think I'm just very tuned into reality and as a result I almost always find out the truth eventually - if I didn't already know it all along.
18. Pride is my biggest motivator. I value other people's opinions but it's the pride that I have in myself which matters most to me.
19. I'm also really motivated by money (although not excessively so) and inside I am the most frugal person ever - despite what my bank statements have been telling me lately.
20. My go-to advice for literally anyone in any situation is that "it's not the end of the world". It's hard to judge how effective my advice-giving skills actually are, but I know I'm good at practising what I preach by following my own advice. When it feels like the world is over, it N E V E R is.

It's been really fun for me to reflect back over these life lessons. I'm such a deep thinker by nature but I've found myself being particularly philosophical in these past few hectic months! There are so many more lessons I could have mentioned here; I probably have enough content to become a life coach or a motivational speaker or something. Maybe an agony aunt columnist responsible for mending broken hearts worldwide. I wish I could go back a decade and tell my ten-year-old self all about what's in store... skip ahead another ten years to the day I turn thirty (oh god NO) and I'm sure I'll be saying the same thing! I'm off to a good start; I've spent the day eating Eggs Benedict and pizza, drinking cocktails and having my nails done. What I hope more than anything is that on my thirtieth birthday, I'll actually be able to say that yeah - being a teenager was all well and good, but I absolutely smashed my twenties.